If this post was accurately titled, it would probably be called “Ugly Shoe Trends You Shouldn’t Waste Your Money On”. I do like some of these shoes, don’t get me wrong–the kitten flats are adorable and the strappy sandals are ridiculously high but manage to look good on most feet, but as for the majority, I hate them, they look awful, and I would never be caught dead wearing them or any replicas.
I’ve never really been a fan of shoe trends. It’s like designers are trying to trump each other on the weirdness scale, and I don’t do “weird” with my outfits–I’m no Lady Gaga. But these shoe trends are so prevalent throughout the blogosphere nowadays that they’re a hard thing to ignore. So here’s a list of the shoes I see cropping up often enough nowadays on blogs that I follow, and where you can get them for cheap if you’re so inclined.
Jeffrey Campbell’s Lita, $160 | AliExpress, $28 (Just search the site for different styles like denim, lace or American flag.. they’re out there)
The Lita. What can I say about the Lita? Way too much, but let’s keep this brief; If I wasn’t so adverse to platform shoes in the first place, I would still think they were hideous. But they’re everywhere, with evil spawns now coming out in bastard styles such as denim or “wookie”. I understand pastels, I understand neons, I understand peplums, I understand a hell of a lot of trends out there, but I don’t understand the Lita.
Chloé Susan Studded Ankle Boots, $1345 | eBay, $65
Ladies, if you didn’t already have huge feet to begin with, never fear. Helpfully, Chloe made us these boots to give people with small feet the illusion of big feet and people with big feet the illusion of a size that can only be described as clown-like. I seldom ever see any blogger or celebrity pull these off, and I’m even more shocked by the claims that they can be “worn with anything”, because their detailed, blingy, modern-cowboy style clashes with every outfit I’ve seen featuring them.
Vivienne Westwood Lady Dragon Pumps, $252 | AliExpress, $26 (In many different colours and styles.. AliExpress has so many jelly shoes; it’s kind of insane)
I don’t know what the appeal is with jelly shoes this season. Could it be the superior quality of the materials (lol)? Or maybe you didn’t get enough of the 90’s and you’re looking to relive your childhood? Do you like your shoes being ideal fungal breeding grounds, or perhaps you like the feeling of sweaty feet on a hot summer’s day?
Christian Louboutin Bis Un Bout, $795 (sold out) | AliExpress, $19 (Also in pink and black)
Somewhere deep within the history of the United Stripper Union, a consensus was once reached that clear shoes were henceforth going to be the stripper trademark. Apparently CL didn’t get the memo. The aforementioned rant about jelly/PVC shoes set aside, I have been personally battling toe cleavage for many years, and what does CL do? They come out with a shoe that guarantees it.
Isabel Marant Bekket High-Top Sneakers, $725 | AliExpress, $35 (Many different colours) | Target, $50
Don’t know what’s more appealing here, the velcro closures or the camel-coloured rubber sole. They look clumsy and chunky and kind of remind me of those Sketchers Shape Ups or any other platform sneakers the overweight buy in their plight to lose a few pounds. If you wanted to go for comfortable shoes, buy a pair of Crocs–they don’t look any more respectable than these babies do.
Zara Strappy Sandals, $46 (sold out) | AliExpress, $21 (black, orange and pink available) | Target, $32
These heels are the most bearable of the bunch. What I like about them is that they’re a relatively plain, classic style with the potential to go with most things. These are shoes that say “I’m simple and it’s okay”.
Giuseppe Zanotti I26115 Sculpted Ankle Strap Wedges, $775 | eBay, $45
Would you like some horse shoes for your hooves? Enough said.
Charlotte Olympia Kitty Cat-Embroidered Suede Slippers, $595 | eBay, $27
These babies are pretty adorable, I have to say. Just wish I could wear flats!
What do you think about these blogger-favorite shoe trends? Do you love or hate them? I won’t judge you, I promise. ;)